Forgive and Forget

Isn't that what they always say at the end of a relationship-gone-sour? Or even when someone knocks into you in the supermarket. Just forgive and forget.

The question I've been thinking of is which one is easier to do? When I think of the word forgive, I think of removing all feelings of hurt or upset that someone or something has caused me. To me, forgiving someone seems the hardest to do because emotion is the driving force of many of my decisions. How can I force myself to do something that my emotions won't let me do?

I know Dawson's Creek was the fountain of all teenage wisedom with its longwinded and pseudo-profound dialogue (pysche!) but I must say one line has stuck in my head all these years. Cast your minds back to the days when Pacey was going out with Andie. I'm not ashamed to admit I remember the names of the characters, so work with me ok?

Anyway, once Pacey discovered that Andie had betrayed him, he said the immortal lines: 'I can forgive, but I can never, ever forget' (possibly paraphrased).

It's weird that just one line out of thousands, and trust me - there were thousands of lines in that show - would stay with me all these years. It's like a lingering smell on your fingers after you've chopped onions, or a kink in your hair that you can't flatten even after brushing it till you're almost bald.

Could it be possible that it is easier to forgive than forget? According to trusty dictionary.com, to forgive is "To give up resentment or claim to requital on account of (an offense or wrong); to remit the penalty of; to pardon; -- said in reference to the act forgiven."

They say people have an amazing ability to forgive. If you consider forgiveness as remitting the penalty of something, I guess forgiveness means to stop punishing yourself as well as those around you for something that has happened.

Someone recently spoke to me about something that they were having trouble forgiving. After all the memories and the history, forgiving seemed like the last thing they wanted to do. But once we started thinking about it, we realised we had forgiving and forgetting mixed up. No one said that we had to pretend that the hurt never happened. No one said we had to forget about the person and the memories and what caused the pain.

In actual fact, I think it's important that you don't forget. I've always said that your past makes you who you are. To have survived your personal history can only be a positive thing. Memories are like Girls Guide badges - war scars that prove that you've been there, done that. To remember is to accept that something happened. Denial is just as bad as hurting yourself by refusing to forgive.

At the end of the day, I don't think it's easy to forget things. Little things can prompt a memory to resurface. A song, the touch of a material, some memories just manage to work themselves to the top all by itself. It's almost impossible to forget so I say you shouldn't fight it. I'm not going to say that it's easy to forgive. But sometimes it's just easier on yourself.

Forgive and forget? Let's just take one step at a time.